My Mountain is...

I have to start somewhere so I might as well start with what is inside (I mean, what else would you except from me?). Inside there is a mountain I am learning to climb.

I am taking with me...

a desire to understand what my mountain is made of
a willingness to acknowledge I am climbing,
have been climbing
and will continue to climb

My Mountain: Fear of acknowledge all that I am

The mountain project is my way of holding myself accountable to continuing to study psychology and practice photography while I take these years away from school. Every one has a mountain, a struggle and ultimately a hope that they will get to the top. My mountain that I am "case studying" is my fear of fully accepting myself, acknowledging who I was created to be. There is no doubt in my mind that this journey is steep and precious, harsh and breathtaking but I am hoping it will be worth it, I am hoping that this project will prove to some that their mountain is beautiful.

He knows

These days my journal entries are far better than anything I would come up with on a computer. I have started to let the ink flow once again, my soul has a voice, like I want to say out loud "damn soul, welcome home, you have been gone for far too long."

Devo at Cafe Darte, April 14th

Matthew 10:26-30

"Everything will be brought to the light, everything has a plan, everything is KNOWN.

What is of value is your soul and God guards your soul with his knowledge. He knows you. I cannot interpret this as he knows my life- he knows exactly what I will do and why I will do it simply b/c he has planned it. I don't believe God carries a day planner.

He knows my life because he knows me.

As if it is someone who can finish your sentences, tell others what you would decide or be able to pick out an outfit because they know what looks good on you. It is his intimacy with me that makes Him know what path I will take, not because he has created the specific path."

It has been times like these with paper and ink that have shaped my thoughts, let me breathe, stretch and grow.

Psychology and Faith- We are human

Journal Entry:

"But here is another thing I think is commonly misunderstood in the Christian culture; if you fully accept the love of Christ than you will love yourself (because you are made in the image of Christ). Well, from a psychological standpoint it is not that easy, you cannot just say "Ok, I do this, now I am this" or "I do God's love (aka I accept God's love) and then I love myself. Do you know how much psychological construction goes into fully loving yourself?

I wish it was as simple a laying it at the feet of Jesus and then just leaving it; but Christ doesn't call for our relationship with Him to be like a city dump we occasionally drop off a broken TV at. No, He calls us to a relationship where we take our no longer useful analog TV and work with Him to build it into a fish tank! He doesn't want us to say "Ok, I am done" He wants us to say "Ok, I am done, can WE begin?" It is the ultimate partnership.

There is no way a person can just wake up on day and say "oh, I am loved by God" and expect there to be immediate change. Do you know how deep the roots of Christ's love grow in your heart? Love is not some shallow weed that a three year-old can pluck out. Love is something so rooted into our hearts that it takes massive cultivation and that takes blood, sweat and tears. God gives you the strength, the fresh blood and dries your tears.

But never forget it is a relationship with Christ and that simply means that both you and Him have to pick up a shovel and move some dirt. In the end, the acceptance of Grace is realizing that God's shovel is much bigger than yours."